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Many parents (myself included) are appalled the first time they experience their little angel hitting, biting, pinching or other aggressive behavior. They first wonder, "what did I do wrong as a parent"? This is especially true when the target of this strange type of affection is YOU. As a parent you feel embarrassed, uncomfortable, and maybe even a little angry - especially when your little one decides to exhibit this behavior in front of other people.
Rest assured this type of behavior is completely normal in toddlers. He or she is only exercising their rights of development - in other words, what they are and are not able to physically do. Hitting or biting is just another way for your child to express their feelings. Granted, it is not an appropriate or acceptable way to handle one's emotions but they are not aware of this yet because they have not been taught. In my experience, I have noticed that all human behaviors are just basically habits - little things we have taught ourselves to do because it either felt good, or got a major reaction from someone, or simply that no one taught us it was not okay.
Therefore, you cannot get rid of a habit, you just replace the old habit with a new one. This is how I deal with these types of behaviors in my child care center. If a child is continually biting or hitting I first try to observe them and understand why and when he/she is doing this. I become very vigilant for the next 3 weeks (because we all know that science has proven it takes at least 21 days to form a habit), and that is what I want to happen. I want to form a new habit to replace the old, undesired habit.
If a child is biting a certain other child each time, I try to make sure that the two of them are far away enough from each other during play time so as not to create an opportunity for the biting or hitting to occur. If the child does not have one specific target, I simply work on diverting his/her attention to something fun or exciting to deter the behavior. As with anything else concerning children, these things take time. If a child is hitting another adult, perhaps a parent, I simply tell them "we don't hit, hitting hurts" and then show them an acceptable form of affection, such as gentle rubbing or hugging. This way, the child is still getting the amount of attention he/she seeks but it is also a learning experience. I have also found that "showing" the children alternatives to unpleasant behavior through sign langauge makes a huge difference, because not only are they "hearing"the disciplinary words, they are also "seeing" the corrective action at the same time. |
